Can you feel it? We're officially in Cancer Season, my friends. Sure, the world is practically on fire—literally in some places, definitely figuratively everywhere—but Cancer Season also means it's my birthday season. So, I've decided to lean into a little happiness and whimsy.
For the next few months, as often as I can, I'm going to step away from the doomscrolling that's had me in a chokehold since last November and go touch some grass. Humor me. This isn't about ignoring the chaos unfolding all around us; it's about focusing on what I can control—if only for an hour or two each week.
I used to joke about how much I worried when I was married, and Guy & Girlie were younger. I'd tell people that if things seemed to be going too well for me, I'd head to a random street corner and ask strangers if they had something I could worry about for them.
I've grown a lot in the last five years. I can see now that what I used to play off as a joke was actually a trauma response to the unhappiness, fear, and uncertainty that filled my life back then. I felt powerless to change my circumstances, so worrying became my default setting. And to top it off, I was deep in the throes of menopause—hot flashes, night sweats, brain fog, joint pain, weight gain, bloating, anxiety, depression...it was exhausting, every damn day. Add in a healthy dose of gaslighting and you’ve got the makings for some interesting, sleepless nights.
Over the last few months, I've felt those worrisome feelings creeping back in. They're sneaky like that. But here's the thing: I'm finally on the other side of menopause (it's glorious, by the way), and my divorce is officially finalized (thank the goddess for small miracles), just in time for the geopolitical world to spiral into yet another catastrophe.
So, I'm making a Summer Bucket List.
Ms. Therapist, if you're reading this—look, I was paying attention! I think I'm actually learning how to manage my anxiety. I'm trying. I'm not spiraling. I'm not ruminating. I'm trying.
Let me tell you where I got the idea for a Summer Bucket List—and why the source's dad makes the best Browned Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies. He does, just try the recipe I’ve linked.
The always fabulous creator of the spiral and chaotic car coffee drinker, Joy the Baker, started sharing her seasonal bucket lists years ago. I've been a Joy the Baker devotee for as long as I can remember. I adore her: her baking skills, her big heart, and her extreme normalcy and relatability in a world overrun with perfectly staged kitchen influencers.
My favorite apron—the one I wear almost daily in my kitchen—is from Joy the Baker's New Orleans Bakehouse. She moved to Texas a little while ago to marry her beau, and you can find her online here on Substack, her OG blog, and on Instagram. She’s a great follow.
You know that question about who you'd want to have dinner with, dead or alive? I'd absolutely pick Joy the Baker as one of my guests. And yes, I do feel compelled to refer to her as Joy the Baker every time. Just calling her Joy feels too familiar. She's earned the full title.
So, Joy the Baker, if you happen to be reading this—I hope you don't mind me borrowing your Summer Bucket List tradition. Away we go…
My Midlife Rewrite 2025 Summer Bucket List
1. Make Pickles
2. Perfect My Egg-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies
3. Write Letters to My New Pen Pals
4. Read 10 Books
5. Spend More Time by the Pool
6. Eat More Fish & Seafood
7. Cut My Screen Time to 2 Hours or Less
8. Take One Writing Class
9. Devote Time to a New Hobby: Watercolors
10. Institute Weekly Family Dinners
These are doable! Honestly, I'm setting myself up for success in the best way.
I already make pickled red onions on the regular—they're a fridge staple around here. I put that shit on everything. My little garden gave me a bounty of cucumbers this year, so it feels like the perfect time to branch out and make actual pickles.
The cookies were a no-brainer, considering I'm borrowing this list idea from a real baker. Plus, Girlie has an egg allergy, so all my baking is egg-free—I have to keep my girl safe.
Ten books might be a stretch...but if I'm spending more time by the pool and off my phone, a girl's gotta do something. I thought I'd lost my reading mojo—but it turns out I just needed to get a divorce! (There's a longer article coming soon on how I lost my reading mojo, what that meant for me, and how profoundly disconnected I felt without it—so stay tuned.)
Eating more fish and seafood will be easy. Many years ago—pre-kids, back when I lived in NYC—I decided I needed to learn how to cook fish. I didn't grow up eating much of it, and when I did have fish, it was usually fried and possibly from Red Lobster for my grandpa's birthday. The man loved his shrimp.
So, I found my local fishmonger in the city and told him about my quest. He thought it was a grand idea and agreed to help. Every week or so, I'd stop in for a new type of fish, and he'd share a recipe or technique to help demystify it. Man, I miss living in NYC.
I've gotten a little lazy with my fish consumption, so I'm taking this summer to get back into the groove. My goal is to have it at least once a week. I'm also leaning toward a more Mediterranean diet—less red meat, more fish, veg, and beans. I’m not getting any younger, needs must, man…needs must.
I've done a shitty job in the hobby department, much to Ms. Therapist's chagrin. A few years ago, I bought a bunch of watercolor supplies...and they've been sitting on a shelf collecting dust. It's time I dive into that project. I've always wanted to try watercolors—it's time to get out of my own way and actually do it.
Also, Joy the Baker creates these beautiful watercolor drawings of her Bucket Lists. Maybe I'll get good enough to share my own version by the end of summer! That’s a good goal.
If you know me, you know I love a good handwritten correspondence. I recently signed up for two pen pals through Rachel Syme's Pen Pal Sign-Up! She launched it during COVID and even wrote a book about it. (If you want to sign up, send her a DM on IG - she’s keeping the program open until July 1 so don’t dilly dally!) As a kid, I had several pen pals and loved talking to people in "far off lands." Growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, practically anywhere counted as a far off land.
I guess writing has always been in my soul.
I also signed up for an online writing class today! It'll include three writing prompts or assignments each week for six weeks—and I'm certain I'll have plenty to share with you when that gets rolling next month. I'm also starting the process to audit some creative nonfiction classes at my local university this fall.
Yeah...it’s safe to say I like the way this writing thing feels in my soul, indeed.
If I'm being honest, the weekly family dinner is a bit of a gimme. The kids and I started this new tradition just last week—now we just need to keep it going.
Growing up, we had Sunday dinner at my grandma's house every week. I don't have that many clear childhood memories (I’m old), but the ones I do have are Sunday dinner adjacent.
I vividly remember sitting on the old wooden ice cream maker to keep it steady while a cousin churned the arm, rock salt flying everywhere, and Grandma blaming the burned biscuits on whichever grandchild happened to be standing closest when the smokey char hit her nose. I was the oldest girl grandchild, so I was Grandma's helper—and I wore that badge with honor.
Those weren't just good times. They were great times.
My kids are close by—at least for a little while longer—and they're my most favorite dinner guests. Well, at least when Joy the Baker isn't around. I mean, I'm going to need someone to eat my fish dishes and those incredible egg-free chocolate chip cookies, right?
I can feel my mental health improving just by listing these things out.
Do you have anything big planned for the summer? What about something small? Have you considered making a Summer Bucket List? What are your thoughts on pen pals? Did you have one as a kid? Want one now?
What would you add to your Summer Bucket List? Enquiring minds want to know!
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I use sour cream in place of egg in my chocolate chip cookies. My 13 year old daughter, who is allergic to eggs, finally had her first chocolate chip cookie this year. Now she is obsessed.