Guys like this reek of entitlement and self delusion. While I have met some women while dating who felt their looks were all they needed, at least they had the looks! This guy clearly understood that the truth was going to keep him free — of female company. It seems as though he designed a profile to attract a certain type of woman, which works up to the point of a real conversation. Their delusion is that they are so charming, so appealing, so obviously terrific that a woman will just ignore all the lies and drop their panties in heat.
What I don’t understand is why someone persists in this strategy — it’s hard to believe this actually works enough to stick with it. Even if he figures that he will eventually “score” by this method, it seems like a lot of work to keep the lies straight or explain them away. I can only assume (as an older fella myself) that he cannot actually accept who he really is — that his insecurity is such that he believes that the “best version” of himself won’t cut it so he creates a new version that requires little real effort.
Men do get socialized into thinking that they have to fit into a certain box in order to be a “real man” — which means they are always trying to be someone else. Their whole life can be one of putting on a persona — at work, in male settings and, of course, in dating. I think this explains (but hardly excuses) why many have so much rage — they are not getting what they think was promised to them such that, when they don’t, it’s the woman’s fault.
The only silver lining is that you never had to meet this guy in person. Calling him out on his BS in person, however nicely, might not have ended as well. A telephone call won’t always help but it might be a worthwhile screening method, even if calls with strangers can be awkward.
Men do get socialized into thinking that they have to fit into a certain box in order to be a “real man” — which means they are always trying to be someone else. --this line in your comment is like whoa! Seeing that much truth in print truly has me sat straight up! Thank you for your meaningful comment, it is very much appreciated!
Raising truth tellers who don't lie, cheat, or steal--or tolerate those who do--is something that CAN change the world. That's why it's also an act of rebellion.
It's not lost on me that the dude's pseudonym is Lawrence...that's my maiden name. My dad was one of those people wrapped (double-ply) in dishonesty disguised as charm. Luckily my mom got out, but sadly she never really recovered from the gaslighting and "Maury Povich-level" YGTBSM stuff that happened. I'm so glad you're shining a light on these guys--and doing it in your awesomely engaging way--even if they aren't willing to use that light to look in the mirror.
Gosh it’s everywhere ! I’m in London UK ! I’ve had so many lies told to me! Am I really ready to go back on the dating apps ? But they are by far my most popular posts, 😆 I just don’t know the answer ! I’ve even written a series of the diary of a single mum dating app ban and I’m still meeting wrong-uns . I can’t believe he was 62 !!!!
Francis, I don't know the answer either! If I figure it out, I'll definitely let you know. For now, I'm just going to keep putting myself out there cautiously--if dating is in fact the numbers game it appears to be, surely I'll find someone eventually! Best of luck to you, too!
Good Lord. It's so hard to figure some of these red flags out in advance and so shocking that people have that kind of audacity and cluelessness. Do you ever use the "Are we dating the same guy" FB pages to search people or the Burned Haystack Method? Thank goodness this guy showed some of his true colors before you actually met.
Oh yes Valerie, I'm a member of both those sites! I have been using the Burned Haystack Method for a while now. In fact, I've "blocked to burn" so many men on Hinge and Bumble I can go several days without a single man appearing on my app I can even swipe left or right on! I've been doing this for what feels like so long the net I cast now is very small and narrow. I figured out my hard limits and boundaries and I'm finally enforcing them with myself. Scarcity mindset is a real thing and I believe I've finally gotten to the place where it's not a concern for me any longer.
Donna, I love this! You captured equally how funny and infuriating all of this is. And this - oof - "he doubled down with the kind of condescending calm that can only come from years of not being challenged."
Guys like this reek of entitlement and self delusion. While I have met some women while dating who felt their looks were all they needed, at least they had the looks! This guy clearly understood that the truth was going to keep him free — of female company. It seems as though he designed a profile to attract a certain type of woman, which works up to the point of a real conversation. Their delusion is that they are so charming, so appealing, so obviously terrific that a woman will just ignore all the lies and drop their panties in heat.
What I don’t understand is why someone persists in this strategy — it’s hard to believe this actually works enough to stick with it. Even if he figures that he will eventually “score” by this method, it seems like a lot of work to keep the lies straight or explain them away. I can only assume (as an older fella myself) that he cannot actually accept who he really is — that his insecurity is such that he believes that the “best version” of himself won’t cut it so he creates a new version that requires little real effort.
Men do get socialized into thinking that they have to fit into a certain box in order to be a “real man” — which means they are always trying to be someone else. Their whole life can be one of putting on a persona — at work, in male settings and, of course, in dating. I think this explains (but hardly excuses) why many have so much rage — they are not getting what they think was promised to them such that, when they don’t, it’s the woman’s fault.
The only silver lining is that you never had to meet this guy in person. Calling him out on his BS in person, however nicely, might not have ended as well. A telephone call won’t always help but it might be a worthwhile screening method, even if calls with strangers can be awkward.
Men do get socialized into thinking that they have to fit into a certain box in order to be a “real man” — which means they are always trying to be someone else. --this line in your comment is like whoa! Seeing that much truth in print truly has me sat straight up! Thank you for your meaningful comment, it is very much appreciated!
Raising truth tellers who don't lie, cheat, or steal--or tolerate those who do--is something that CAN change the world. That's why it's also an act of rebellion.
It's not lost on me that the dude's pseudonym is Lawrence...that's my maiden name. My dad was one of those people wrapped (double-ply) in dishonesty disguised as charm. Luckily my mom got out, but sadly she never really recovered from the gaslighting and "Maury Povich-level" YGTBSM stuff that happened. I'm so glad you're shining a light on these guys--and doing it in your awesomely engaging way--even if they aren't willing to use that light to look in the mirror.
Ahh yes Johnna, I thought of your maiden name when I decided on it for the post, I thought it would give you a giggle.
I'm sorry your mom didn't recover but I'm very happy she at least got out from under it. It's no place to live.
Gosh it’s everywhere ! I’m in London UK ! I’ve had so many lies told to me! Am I really ready to go back on the dating apps ? But they are by far my most popular posts, 😆 I just don’t know the answer ! I’ve even written a series of the diary of a single mum dating app ban and I’m still meeting wrong-uns . I can’t believe he was 62 !!!!
Francis, I don't know the answer either! If I figure it out, I'll definitely let you know. For now, I'm just going to keep putting myself out there cautiously--if dating is in fact the numbers game it appears to be, surely I'll find someone eventually! Best of luck to you, too!
Good Lord. It's so hard to figure some of these red flags out in advance and so shocking that people have that kind of audacity and cluelessness. Do you ever use the "Are we dating the same guy" FB pages to search people or the Burned Haystack Method? Thank goodness this guy showed some of his true colors before you actually met.
Oh yes Valerie, I'm a member of both those sites! I have been using the Burned Haystack Method for a while now. In fact, I've "blocked to burn" so many men on Hinge and Bumble I can go several days without a single man appearing on my app I can even swipe left or right on! I've been doing this for what feels like so long the net I cast now is very small and narrow. I figured out my hard limits and boundaries and I'm finally enforcing them with myself. Scarcity mindset is a real thing and I believe I've finally gotten to the place where it's not a concern for me any longer.
Donna, I love this! You captured equally how funny and infuriating all of this is. And this - oof - "he doubled down with the kind of condescending calm that can only come from years of not being challenged."